Red Flags

I feel that with the recent deaths in our bdsm community, this advice is obviously very much needed, although it really should be self explanatory anyways and set a standard before or while meeting someone new…

thekinkyworldofvile

There have been a string of Deaths in the BDSM community over the last year. Two recent was a man in Tennessee who died after being bound and left alone for more than 20 hrs. His wife is being charged , or has been. The idea was probably his but she should of been there the whole time.

Then the recent suicide of a 22 year old submissive. I will call her Pocketmouse the few times I met her she was a very bubbly soul, with a lot of energy.
Once you enter into a relationship it is only then the true colors start to come to light. Once you move in things can change from good to bad at the blink of an eye.
Some have even said well they can just leave, well you know it is not always that easy. Most feel trapped and they have no…

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About Taking A Break And Realizations

Hi there.

Yes, I am still around. I apologize that I have not posted anything in quite a while. Lately, life is kind of crazy around here, working 10 hours 4 days a week in my high stress job is getting the best of me, and on top of that, I am applying for a better position at work. Put this all together, and you have a mess. But now, it seems like life is slowing down a little bit, and I feel a lot better and a lot less stressed.

So, coming to my post for today.

 

About taking a break.

Another reason why I hardly was on WordPress at all was that luna and I took a break from the D/s lifestyle. We did this on both of our agreement. A good Dominant is able to take care of his submissive/ slave and he does that by being in control of his submissive’s/ slaves life, wellbeing, schedule, feeling, training, goals, daily tasks, dress, behavior, in short, everything that does any good for the slave/ submissive. But also by being in control of his own life, appearance, attitude and behavior. A good Dominant is at the same time also a great leader with a lot of responsibility.

A little while ago I was not there. I did not feel Dominant most of the time, and since I felt like I was not in control of my life, how in the world, could I be in control of luna’s? I truly was in no position to make sure my luna was well taken care of and at the same time make sure I help her work on her “issues”, trying to make her feel better. So we finally decided to take a break until I was once again in full control of my life before I take control of hers.

I am aware that a decision like this may make me appear weak in some Dominant’s eyes, but to those Dominant’s I will say, I dare you. I dare you to look at yourself and make sure you are truly doing what a good responsible Dominant is all about. Are you really in control of your own life, feelings and behavior’s 100% of the time, or do you maybe just think you are? I think being a Dominant, we sometimes take our submissives and our roles for granted and more and more each day start to “slack off”. Until nothing that we promised our sub’s or slaves have promised is being done, and the lifestyle ends up being more of a “what can you do for me” where it in all actuality should be a give and take. THAT is NOT what a good Dominant is about. A good Dominant/ Master earns the title by leading as an example.

That is also a big difference between a “real Dom” and a “fake one”. A fake Dom or Master has his tile because he WANTS to have it.Maybe a lot of those people have been a great Dom at one point in time, but lost the will to fight or simply got lazy? Most of those people do not see the responsibility that comes with being a Dom or do not want it, because let’s face it, it’s hard work, lots and lots of responsibility and not only fun.

So I guess take this as a shout out to all the “fake” Dom’s. We all know there are plenty of those predatory people out there. For my part, I take this as doing my part in raising awareness and if this post helps only one submissive to not fall into the same trap as so many other already have and still will, I consider my part done.

I am ready to take a good look at myself and change what I have lost for the better. How about you?

I’ll be around more again soon. In the meantime have tons of fun and always be safe.

               

Moving From A Vanilla To A D’s Relationship

I do believe deeply that it is possible to “convert” a relationship from the vanilla kind to a D/s or M/s relationship, but I think it would be a lot harder to achieve that change as compared to starting out with a D/S relationship. I do consider myself a pretty normal kind of guy and had only vanilla relationships in my past, but the idea of a D/s or M/s relationship always was in the back of my head. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Now that I DO live a D/s relationship with my wife, I know 100% for certain, I will never EVER go vanilla again. Vile posted a VERY GOOD post about this change on his blog “thekinkyworldofvile” that I found today. And I do believe he hits the nail on the head.
There is absolutely no way for a D/s relationship to flourish, if the Master or Dominant does not work very hard to earn the trust and commitment from his slave or submissive. In my own opinion and experience, that is the single most important character trade of a good Master or Dominant. Without that commitment to want to earn that trust and integrity the relationship will not change and this all will be merely a roleplay and stay in the bedroom. Not that this is wrong. I do want everyone to be able to achieve their own relationship bliss. But it is not what I personally need. It gives me so much more strength, respect, freedom, fulfillment and excitement, knowing my slave is there supporting me in every way possible so I can concentrate a lot more on making sure that her needs are met and she gets what she is looking to get out of our relationship as well. A Master is first and foremost responsible for the physical and mental well-being of his slave ALWAYS. In return he gets whatever it is that he needs as well. In Germany you would say “one hand is washing the other”. It’s a constant give and take, much more than in a vanilla relationship.
You get what you put in. In all of my previous vanilla relationships and also in the relationships of most people around me, I see and feel a huge difference there. Almost as if most people are only looking for the WIIFM (what’s in it for me), and if that is not met, the relationship is in trouble or worse, ends. Almost as if no one is willing to put actual work into their relationship. And I think that is extremely sad.
But it’s not only the responsibility for the slave that makes a Dominant a Master, but I also think that some good old chivalry goes a long way and is extremely easy to do. Try it out. Hold the door open for your slave, make sure she is seated before you at the dinner table. That does not mean that it makes you look any weaker in their eyes. But I promise you, you will get a feel of the added admiration from your sub or slave.
In my house, luna starts eating after I take my first bite, but I do cook supper now and then, and I will make sure that she is seated before me, pulling her chair out for her. I think that does show her how much I value her and all she does for me in return. And believe me, she does do A LOT.

thekinkyworldofvile

This is a task that is not really an easy thing to do, but it can be done. In orders to move into a whole new world there are somethings the Dominant has to do.

The first being a huge change of attitude. The Dominant has to demonstrate he is in full control. The attitude has to change a full 360 degrees. This is more true if the two have problems arguing.

A woman will not submit to a Dominant or any male if he cannot control his temper. Second we do not always have to be right. Although I am not wrong that often I do make mistakes. I think things out before acting and when something goes wrong, I am like what the fuck how did that happen, because I have covered all of the choices and of course the consequences.

Being in full control is the key…

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The Book BDSM 101

An amazing post from my dear friend Vile whom I have the utmost respect for. He is making some awesome points about ourselves being the maker of our own future. Don’t ever take anything you read, hear, see or research for gramyed. No matter how much sense it makes, the is no one else exactly like you. Nobody has the exact same feelings at the same exact time, exactly the same point of view or even more importantly the same thoughts and feelings at the same time. You are YOU. Period. Everything anyone tells you, writes in a book, blog post, Facebook status or whatever else you are researching, is giving you their feeling or point of view. That does not mean it will ALWAYS apply to you. Although it may apply this one time. It is EXTREMELY important to keep that in mind. They are all PERSONAL OPINIONS. Nothing more and nothing less…
Thanks Vile…

thekinkyworldofvile

You know the funny thing is, we all write our own book. We have an entire book in our head, and everyday we turn a page, page after page , chapter after chapter , The only thing with this book there is never an ending.

To write our book we all do research , we read, we listen , and we watch. So we take a little from different books, and we write our own.

In our book we are in control of our lives, while writing we are able to control the story. We control the characters in our book, we control who enters our book , we also control their outcome. We are in full control.

Every Master, Dominant, submissive, slave, Daddy Dom , baby girl has their own book. We decide what we want to share, and not share, again we are in full control.

White writing…

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Bringing peace

This is so perfectly written. Absolutely perfect for my
Luna

A Faded Romantic's Notebook

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She is not sure why she is special.

She thinks that perhaps he flatters her.

She peers at herself in the mirror. She studies her own familiar face and seeks signs of beauty. She pulls in her belly, throws back her shoulders and pushes her breasts forward. She turns sideways and examines herself. She smooths her hands over her hips and round to the swell of her arse,

She runs her fingers through her hair, shakes it out then lets it fall about her face before stroking it back again.

And then, for one proud moment, she glimpses it.

The wide, eloquent eyes. The sensual mouth. The elegant throat. The cascade of hair. The desirable, sexy, made-for-sin body.

And she smiles. And glows.

But there is one thing that she cannot see. And yet it is the thing that excites him even beyond her beauty and curves.

It is the…

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A Note To Doms

Wow. Just wow. I found this amazing post on a blog I follow and wish I could express my thoughts in a way like this. Clear, concise and to the point. And above all, absolutely 100 percent true. All Dominants should use this as part of their golden rule.

Good Dominants Give Good Aftercare

One Slaves Perspective

Atercare is more important than you think.  There are a lot of emotions involved in submitting to someone, handing over total control.   You need to learn when to baby your submissive.  We aren’t just there to do the housework, tend to your needs, and hand out sexual favors like Halloween candy.    There may be a lot of times where we want to be used, made to feel like your prized possession, controlled, and dominated but we also want to feel like you respect us as a person.  We need to know that you will take care of us both emotionally and physically, because how else can we trust you enough to just hand over the reigns and ‘do as we’re told’?

Predominantly in a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic the transfer of control is something that happens all the time but mostly like an underground current.  It remains there in your daily…

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